(added 2-1-08)
Generally speaking, people who can't park are one of the following ten types:
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| Parking Is Hard | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Bad Parking Defined (added 2-1-08) |
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| We've all seen poorly parked vehicles, but what does it all mean? What causes people to fail so miserably at this relatively simple task? To help make sense of the mayhem running rampant in the parking lots of the world, I have created this special gallery. Feel free to print it out and keep it in your car as a quick reference guide. Generally speaking, people who can't park are one of the following ten types: |
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| Type 1: Incompetent | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Completely and totally incapable of driving a car, period. May be in a vegetative state. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 2: Dick | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Enjoys pissing other people off in order to compensate for his substandard wedding tackle. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 3: Exhibitionist | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Does everything possible to garner attention; was obviously never hugged by Mommy. This person likely spent their childhood locked in a dark basement being fed with a slingshot. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 4: Under the Influence | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Buzzed from at least two controlled substances. The stark reality of parking while sober is just too much to handle. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 5: Unaware | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| This person is either tremendously bad at paying attention or is legally blind. They know that there's a world out there, but they have no clue how it relates to their vehicle. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 6: Preoccupied | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| This person was either giving head, breast feeding, free-basing tar heroin, or some combination of the three. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 7: Terrified | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| The thought of sitting in a metal box with wheels curdles this person's blood. Who gives a shit where it stops... just get me out of this thing!! | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 8: Poor Choice of Vehicle | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Although 3'2" tall and missing opposable thumbs, this person decided to buy the largest form of transportation they could find, such as the Dungbucket 8000 XL pictured here. They simply can't see over the dash or reach the controls. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 9: Apathetic | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| This guy can't be bothered to do anything right. He lives in his mother's garage, weighs 450 lbs, and is a chronic masturbator. Will probably commit suicide by the end of the year. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
| Type 10: Inconsiderate | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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| Believing that he is a reincarnated Roman Emperor, this asshole sees nothing wrong with taking up multiple spaces. He also has a boy-servant at home to sodomize. | ||||||||||||||||||||||||||||||
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